Please Don't Take Me Back

Please stop showing me things I no longer belong to. Stop making me cry at night. Stop making me de-forgive people after I've stopped being angry. You're relentless and cruel. You steal my laughter and reverse it like playing a song backwards. You shove it back into body, make it strangle me for your amusement. You pound my mind with sorrow until my headaches pound me back to numbness.

I'm begging you. Leave me alone. Stop making me log in to look at pages of people I no longer know; I no longer want to know. Stop dragging me through mud and rocks and broken glass because I've chosen to be in love. You make it so hard for me. I'm sorry for what you went through; I am, partly because I enjoyed you going through it, partly because I'm no longer in it with you.

You're miserable. You tell everyone. You write about it in my diaries. You keep postponing the therapist's consultation. You don't want me to forget.

Stop it. Fucking stop it. I'm trying to be wholly alright. You're trying to be holey, incomplete. You need excuses; I do not.

The only problem is that this isn't an open letter to another person, another force. It's to me. Let me live.