tOxiC BlAcK sOciAl nOrMs

"Why would I hop in some beef when I could just hop in the Porsche? You heard she gone do what from who? That's not a reliable source..." -Migos feat Cardi B and Nicki Minaj, Motorsport

I do not own any of the GIFs.

As promised, here are the main toxic social norms in the Black community. Let's go!

1. The Oldheads Always Come With Their...Negativity

It seems that the only thing elderly Black people enjoy doing more than checking their blood pressure (no tea, no shade) is throwing dirt on the younger generations. Now when I say elderly, I don't even necessarily mean people that are nursing home-bound. I'm speaking more of the people in their late forties, early-to-mid fifties. I was in the car with my boss the other day screaming every note of "Love on the Brain" for obvious reasons, and my mans really got hot. "All y'all do is steal!"

He then went on rant about how Rihanna's sound is super familiar to Prince and other artists before her time. I guess influence was supposed to expire or something? He went on to say his generation was "inventive." Okay. Me trying to be a different kind of Andrea, I've decided to try and figure out why the old folks are so...goddamn...bitter. If you are as clueless to the issue as I was, feel free to check out this insightful article that helped me put a few things into perspective.

https://melmagazine.com/why-gen-x-is-so-pissed-at-millennials-fdc1f2cc2e2c


2. We Associate Discipline With Abuse

-Trigger Warning With the Video Link-

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3708682/Official-investigate-mom-livestreamed-daughters-beating.html

Whippings? Fine. Normal. I understand not every child is a "time-out" or "let's just talk about it" type of child, but around the time I was eleven, I started getting hit in my face and before that was being called out of my name. The same oldheads that gave birth to our parents are the same ones that believe abuse is okay and marvel in sharing tales of how if they had done the things my generation does, they'd have been "knocked on the floor" or in prison. (On a sidenote, I'm not passing judgment on the mother in the video. From what I recall about the mother-daughter duo, their relationship was fine after the incident and the daughter recognized where she was wrong in her own actions. I believe what happened sincerely came from a place of love, concern, and fear. In the mother's mind, it was better her daughter have some welts and bruises than a teenage pregnancy or an STD/STI.) Every situation is different, and I respect parents' intentions as I truly believe for the most part they do mean well. A good bit of parents, however, are abusive and are able to blend in with the parents that are just concerned about their children and drive it to extremes. The only way to know the difference is to stop condoning extreme measures of "discipline" that are interchangeable with abuse.

3. We Condone Physical Violence and Other Abuse in Our Romantic Lives

In all honesty, I passionately dislike Facebook just because prior to deleting a lot of people off of my page, I saw nonsense being shared so regularly such as images where women's faces would be beaten and there would be some b.s. story about how the woman cheated and her man came home and caught her. You've probably seen them. Along with the bogus, poorly written backstories come all the people (men and women alike) flooding the comments with approval. To top it off, there is a Twitter thread where an alarming number of men shared their own assault wounds that had come from scorned lovers. It goes on and on even to the extent where people brag on social media about destroying their significant other's personal belongings. Even I have an ex that I slapped on a couple of occasions (He gave me permission to when I was angry at him, but it was still wrong.). DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER!

4. We Shame Female Sexuality

We shame female sexuality! We shame female sexuality! We shame female sexuality! Black women are not allowed to have (and this is the disgusting part) consensual sexual relationships and enjoy them. From the time little Black girls are old enough to walk, however, they are being made to seem like seductresses instead of children. "She's going to be fast. Need to watch her. Put on some pants. Your brothers/uncles/cousins are here." Black women that are sexually active are shamed and labelled by Black men AND women alike regardless of their age, social status, etc. At the same time, men are expected to sleep around and even taunted if they don't.

5. The Black Community is High-key Still Homophobic AF

No matter how many Pride parades we have, gay marriages that ensue, or gay cousins no one talks about, Black people still just can't let go of homosexual slander. Black men especially have low tolerance for homosexual men and bash lesbianism (only if it's a stud or dyke since they picture having threesomes with fems-what a joke) constantly. Black families are quick to cut off gay family members but will allow shady ass Uncle Mike to babysit their children.

In conclusion, as a community we have a lot of growing to do. Thanks for reading. Be sure to comment, share, and have open discussions with one another!

SIKE! You thought I forgot?

6. BLACK PEOPLE THINK CHRISTIANITY IS THE ONLY RELIGION ON THE EARTH AND HAVE NO TOLERANCE FOR OTHER RELIGIONS, DEISM, OR ATHEISM. BLACK PEOPLE JUSTIFY EVERYTHING WITH THE BIBLE, YET ARE TYPICALLY HYPOCRITICAL AND LIVING IN OBVIOUS SIN BUT JUSTIFY PASSING JUDGMENT ON OTHERS BY IT BEING THEIR "CHRISTIAN DUTY." WE HAVE TO STOP. 

*Clears throat* Thank you for reading and until next time...

Accolades

"But I don't wanna give up. Baby, I just want you to get up..." -H.E.R., Focus

Things I Used to Want Trophies For:

-Being "rebellious"
-Having hair that grows quickly
-Being a writer whether I was actually good or not
-Never covering up
-Being broke/humble...real humble

My first post of 2018 was supposed to be about toxic Black social norms, and believe me it's coming. At this very moment, though, there are more personal things on my spirit. Your girl has been...confused. Now I know what you're thinking. "Bitch, you always got some shit going." In all honesty, you're not wrong. This, however, is positive shit. I'm moving in a different direction. I'm so serious about this that I literally have been refraining from the use of social media (other than occasionally looking on Twitter to see what's going on in the world of hoodrat), I've been drinking more water, minimizing my intake of sugar, submitting my writing practically every other day, dancing with no draws on (Okay I've been doing that, but still.), and no one can reach me after 9:00 P.M. because your girl is tired of being a vampire.

My confusion has been more or less about what I really want from life. A secure income? Sure. A fruitful writing career? Most def! A college education? Sounds good; I'm pursuing one, but I do understand it's not the end of the world if I don't obtain it. I guess you can say I'm stuck between "Let's buckle down and get serious about every little thing. Time you're wasting is your own" and "YOLO." Somehow in the midst of my pre-midlife crisis, I've been happy as fuck. Been pinpointing all the ways I'm toxic to those that I love the most and have actually removed myself from them. Remove is harsh and really permanent sounding. I'll say I've distanced myself until I do a liiiiiittle more soul-searching.

More than anything, I want to say thanks to you! Whether you're new here or an old follower that's been wondering why the hell I've been so absent after months of consistency, whether you're a hater hoping I've been in jail again, or whether you're a friend just wondering if I'm straight, THANK YOU! Not a lot of people know what they mean to others, and I honestly don't think I want to know, but I will say it warms me to have consistent readers and supporters. That being said, what are some things you'd really like to see me explore on here? I'm trying to expand, y'all. Since I'm no longer as accessible on social media, feel free to send me an email.

yesitsdrea@gmail.com

"Adulting"

"The collective is merely suggesting in theory that love is a blessing. I'm stressing it really. Man, y'all don't hear me. If you never been alone, how you know yourself? If you ain't up under water, how you grow yourself? You should love you so much that you go Marilyn Manson and blow yourself. It's some things that you gotta learn that only you can show yourself. Get introspective. It can only go right like you got no left like a whack ass point guard or a porn star. Yeah, I'm going hard. Yeah, I'm Coinstar. I done seen change. Tryna turn this shit to dollar bills. Touchin' souls, not just coppin' feels." -Angles, Mick Jenkins feat. Noname and Xavier Omar

Failure is really subjective. I've recently become a fan of The Simpsons, and "Bart Gets an F" sort of tugged at my heartstrings because what some of us define as failure is the best for others, and it took a spiky-haired cartoon character for that to fully set in. As many of you already know, I've been going through a lot this year, but what I've failed to mention is how this has affected my college experience. After all, I'm going through my freshman year like the rest of the 2017 class, yet I have been pretty indifferent to it. For one thing, my "college experience" has been a little different since I go to school online. While I may not be getting a law degree from DeVry or some goofy shit like that, I had trouble really considering myself a college student because I wasn't living on campus and dodging spiked party drinks or skateboarding in between classes. The God honest truth is that I don't feel I've learned much either. All I know is I passed everything except World Civ I and that I've finally learned to navigate virtual learning (In all fairness, it's not like it's super difficult. There were just too many days I wanted to focus on things that mattered more to me than doing discussion boards with my "classmates".).
I guess what I'm saying is that I really had the wrong attitude going through this entire semester. I've been taking more L's personally than academically, which is good. While still being able to write and work full time, I'm still able to work toward a degree, which is something I should be grateful for. The truth, though? I'm a sucker for tradition and still feel in some major ways I'm missing out. That being said, I'm going to give a little insight to anyone possibly wondering what life after high school has been like thus far.

1. You decide how your time is spent. All of it. This is really weird because there were a lot of days I'd be at work and just think like, "I can walk out right now. I won't have money later, but I don't have to do this." It's super trippy. It's like the entire time you're in school, your own time management is sort of a forbidden fruit, but then you graduate and can like...do shit on your own accord, and it's such a powerful thought until practicality sets in and is like, "Nah, fam, finish this shift out with your broke arse."

2. No one cares that you just got out of high school and don't have credit. Okay, so more than likely you're a senior right now with no job because you're focused on school or your parents pretty much provide the necessities as well as a few good leisures. That being said, once you're out of school and want a car to either get you to your job in college or just to ride around in and do hoodrat stuff with your friends, if you don't have cash to just buy one, you'll more than likely try to get a loan. Since you have no credit history (and let's assume no one with credit is willing to cosign for you), you're a major risk and will face a lot of rejections on that front. My advice would be to open a credit line now. A card with a very small credit limit, for example. I feel like guardians would possibly be more helpful on that front, but everyone's situation is different, so I really can't call it. Just know you'll need to try and get that in order as soon as possible.

3. You can have sex without sneaking. Just be careful. Always use protection and if it's agreed between you and your partner(s) that no one is supposed to catch feelings, don't catch feelings. Also, consent is stated, never assumed.

4. You will learn your biggest strengths and weaknesses because you're on your own time. That being said, once you know them, adapt your plans and lifestyle to make sure you get everything done that needs to be.

5. Jobs are not easy to come by. If you want one, I would suggest not using any illegal substances until you're hired. That means during the job hunt, the wait for the interview, etc, keep clean. This should be common sense, but hey.

6. Remember that you are just as capable as the next person. A huge struggle I had with adjusting to adulthood was wanting to get reassurance from everyone else that I was on the right track. There's nothing wrong with this in moderation or when your spirits are low, but don't assume that you can't make the grades you want, get the job you want, or have the relationships you want. You can. You just have to work with what is given to you and understand that your life is important. What you want out of this life is important, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

7. Take care of yourself. My mantra for the beginning part of this year was "The objective is to keep moving" because I feel like when we're stagnant and allow things to pile up, it becomes way harder to maneuver than when we're already in motion and making things happen. Wipe your makeup off before you go to sleep. Moisturize your hair. Give yourself a compliment. Let your barber line you up. MASTURBATE REGULARLY.

8. You can't drink it away. You can't party it away. You can't study it away. Whatever personal problems have manifested prior to you coming into adulthood and have not been addressed will remain. Try to tackle them as soon as you can now that you've got your own time to do so.

9. It's okay to change your mind. If you want to be someone different, okay. (Just make sure it's for the right reasons) If you want to stop being friends with certain people or take up different hobbies, it is positively alright. Do you on you. If you change what you want out of life multiple times a week, it is okay. Acknowledge that you don't have all the answers and that a degree, a job, or a relationship will not change that.

10. Create playlists. For the shower. For car rides. For studying. Keep some tunes that make you feel good or put you in the right mood for what you have to do. Attach a certain memory to a certain song. Listen to that song when you want to go back to that place mentally. Music is everywhere and is a major part of our existence. Why would we not include it when wanting to help shape our lives?