Track 6: hEaDAsS

I been in my feels. I been stacking bills online shopping and robbing my chance of surviving. I'm late on rent. What was I thinking? I'm gone go to the gym squat real low for a man..." -Whipped Cream, Ari Lennox






Libras are weird.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what next year will entail for me. I've left certain joys and changes private for the sake of making sure no negative energy attaches itself to me and my plans. Just know when the time is right, you'll be seeing a little (a lot) more of me in my happiest form.

One thing that I consistently have bitched about is my inability to find someone worth talking to, let alone dating.  I'm probably going to stop bitching, not because dating wouldn't be fun but because the process of filtering out who's worth dating is so strenuous. Thus far that leaves me with no options. My values have changed dramatically. I'm not equating love to toleration. It doesn't need to feel that way.

I think the most difficult thing about loving me is that I sometimes feel extremely stuck when I commit to institutions and to people. It's hard. Sometimes ya girl wants to be able to run away without having to leave a note on the table or get a million phone calls asking why.

I'm also extremely disappointed in the fact only three people looked at my political representatives post. Like.... do ya care? Are you seeing what's going on? I sent out six letters so far. I'm not saying that to sound like superwoman. I'm doing it to say that the situation at hand with immigration is disturbing, and I'm not being a hypocrite by asking you to do something I haven't done myself.

Also I've been intending to do my natural hair journey entry for ages now, so I decided to go ahead and handle that this Christmas. That'll make me four years post relaxer. I can't imagine going back. It's fun looking at my different appearance phases, but by far my favorite one is the one I'm living right now. I consistently like the way I look now. I like my body, my face, my hair. I like the books I read, the phrases I say. I'm in love with this person, and I want to keep her by all means necessary. Self-preservation isn't selfish; it's necessary.