I am a reckoning.

" I tried to scream, but my head was underwater. They called me weak like I'm not just somebody's daughter. Could've been a nightmare...but I swear that they were right there..." -Billie Eilish, "everything i wanted"

Relaunching my life publicly feels weird. I had to come to the conclusion that hiding myself is not the answer to achieving my dreams. Some people can be stars from their room. I have to exist in the wind, wave at la playa. 

Relaunching my life publicly also means people who haven't seen me in years can pretend to be linked to me publicly. That's what annoys me above all: people that know for a fact they don't care about me still want to benefit off of my warmth or visibility but will never offer anything in return. I'm glad that I was mentally prepared for that because the block game has increased greatly. 

No one gets multiple chances anymore to prove they are not going to show up for me in the ways that I need. I'm not 20 anymore, let alone 17. Earn your spot or get the fuck on. It's simple. 

Besides, if you didn't like me when I was literally in your face every day, why would you believe that I think you have the best intentions for me after years of no contact? Bitches (male and female alike) are weird, and they greatly underestimate my ability to see through them. Even when I'm uncertain of the plot, I know one exists intuitively. My boyfriend would call it "Cancering" if I were a Cancer, but I'm something much more formidable....a Virgo with a goddamn Black Moon Lilith in Libra....

I am extremely organized and militant...living to seek justice for both myself and others. I'm a put-together individual who is figuratively (and literally due to a weak stomach) with the shits. This is not a safe place to play. I was never weak. I expected people that said they loved me to mean it. I was never stupid...I was being manipulated. The people that have done notable harm to my self-image have my ass to kiss now. Distance is better than revenge because at least in distance I thrive and focus on myself. 

Hating bitches should focus on the kids they have to raise...the relationships they have to pretend work...or the substance abuse issues wrecking their private lives.

Andrea's going to do what Andrea's always done...dominate herself until....you know....